You were on my mind today. That’s really not anything new, your posts and messages to me on Facebook always make me feel as if we talk every day. I guess that is one of the positive results of the social media, to keep people far away closer to you. Nice to have that I guess.
So there you were, on my mind. Today was different though. The last few days have been different. Today I thought about you and cried. Did that yesterday too, and the day before that. I’m sure it’s going to be like that for a while. To say that I will miss you seems like such a small thing. The words are small and don’t do you justice. That’s funny, because nothing about you was small. Not your size, or your voice, or your heart.
Or your problems.
As I sit here writing you this, there are countless people in the world that have been touched by you just being in it with them. There are even more that are hurting now that you’re not. People that knew you better than I and people that really didn’t know you at all. The impact of you leaving will be felt forever. For me, it will be felt most with friends that we both share and those small words “I miss him” will come up again and again. Stories will be told over and over and laughter will be shared.
None of that is happening today though. Today, I’m saddled with overwhelming grief. Grief and anger. Yes, I am very angry with you. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am and I know how selfish that is. I can’t begin to understand your actions and it’s not for me to even try. I can’t say I know what you were going through. Your pain was your own, different from anyone else’s. I only wish that I could have helped more. Or at all. I’m not alone in that. You were never alone either. I know that you knew how much you were loved, how many friends you had and the limitless support you had in all of us. I know because I told you countless times “I’m here” and you always said “I know”.
I also know it wasn’t enough.
I’m still here and you’re gone. We’re all still here wishing you were too, but you’re not. I know where you are and stupid comments by those who really didn’t know you can’t change that. There are those that may wish to staple themselves to your situation for attention. There will be debates over what you’ve done. There will friends and family that will struggle to understand. Some will be angry, even more heartbroken. I’ll still be here saying “I miss him”.
We’re had some great times and deep discussions. You’ve made me laugh. You’ve made me think. You’ve made me question my faith. You’ve made me sad. You've made me happy. You’ve made me proud to count you as a friend and to be counted as one of yours. I will miss you.
Amen.Waterratt wrote:As the others have stated, Well said Troy. While trying to understand all that has happened, I will focus on celebrating the life of the man I knew. From the many his many posts on the Batboard, to the chats in the text chat and the VBC to his many posts on Facebook, he always had a kind word for everyone. I wish I could say more, but sometimes my heart sings out better than my words can. So, In the short time I've known you, thank you Billy for touching my life.
Thank you for sharing that with us. It was just right.
Grief is made up of all kinds of different emotions. Coming here I know there are others that feel exactly like I feel. Exactly how Troy feels, exactly how Scott feels, etc...
Billy has always been here, shoot I can't remember who was here first... me or him, I know it's been a long time. I can't help but feel that Billy is looking down at us, checking over the board, one big guardian angel with the best slow southern drawl ever. Up in that big Batcave in the sky.... together Billy and Andrew, their spirits will live on forever... I feel so blessed that they were part of my life. Our Great Pharoah
Am I writing this in the correct place? I hope so. If not... I do apologize for now I will say what I always said to Billy,
I love you Billy!!!!
I cannot tell you all how Billy and Andrew's passing has affected me since hearing the news on Thursday. But my sadness pales in comparison to the grief of those who knew and loved him far better than me.
Please allow me the indulgence of posting here to share a brief message of how I'm feeling with others who can identify with where my thoughts have been the past few days.
I believe you said just about of what everyone here on this board feels!!
And this board has a real shallow hole in the center of it, without Billy here!! He will be surely missed!!
Billy, WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YA AND WE MISS YA BUDDY!!
I never spoke to Billy personally on the phone or met him in person, but I have known him for eight or nine years through this board. When I showed interest in putting together a Robin costume when I was 16 or so (I'm 24 now for reference), Billy contacted me and said he had made one of his buckles too small and he wanted to make it into a belt and send it to me. I still don't know whether that was an excuse he made up just to be kind - but I still have the belt sitting on top of my dresser and I appreciate it every time I see it. When he joined Facebook, he added me as a friend, and not a day went by that he didn't like or comment on one of my posts. In fact, the night before he passed he had replied to one of my comments about school with a message along the lines of "You can do it, I believe in you!" When I saw his final post, I hoped someone had gotten to him in time like the time before that, and I was in shock when I saw Scott's message that Billy didn't make it.
Billy, you'll be missed. I wish you'd reached out for help, because so many people would have opened their hearts to you immediately. But I'm positive you know that now. Rest in the peace that you didn't feel in your last few days.