The Sea Hag Is TOPPS! Part One

[Gorshin Romero]

Hi Everybody,

So...I have finally written my own version of what I hope is the ultimate Sea Hag Fan Fiction! I even made references to or have cameos by several of us posters here on the bat board, so look for yourself mentioned or see if you have any lines. NOTE: I obviously could not include every single person on the board, so please don't be offended if you don't see yourself. Also, the entire story is a good-natured roast on fan fiction itself, but trust me when I tell you that it's all done in the spirit of fun. I picture Charleze Theron playing the role of the Sea Hag.

Thanks to Scott Sebring for giving me permission to post this.

This particular story is dedicated to Elmgraham.

Enjoy!

The Sea Hag Is TOPPS!
(Part One)
Scene 1. Exterior. The S.S. Celestialhost Ocean Liner glides over beautiful Lake Gotham.

V.O.
A typical evening on Lake Gotham, where Captain Scott Sebring is hosting an awards dinner.

Scene 2. Interior Ballroom of the S.S. Celestialhost. Several guests are there dressed in evening formalwear. Scott Sebring is seated in the center of a lengthy banquet table on a stage. He has a MICROPHONE in his hand and he rises to make a speech.

Scott Sebring
Well I’m sure everybody here enjoyed the dinner. Let’s give a big round of applause for the Progress Pigment Catering Company and their managers Hecate and Mr Deathtrap for preparing this delicious feast for us tonight, and the ice cream was provided by Mr. Freeze tasty treats. Music this evening will be provided by Batguitarist with the group I Act The Riddler which features Sol and The Clock Queen as special guest vocalists.

Scene 3. Exterior of a speedboat pulling alongside the S.S. Celestialhost as the sound of the applause from the ocean liner is heard outside. In the speedboat are the Sea Hag, a blonde beauty, and her two frogmen wearing name tags that say “Kraaken” and “Barracuda” and they are accompanied by a pretty moll in a one piece bathing suit wearing a name tag that says “Tsunami.”

V.O.
But what’s this!? Lake pirates of Lake Gotham!?

Sea Hag
Tsunami, you stay here with the speed boat and make sure nobody disturbs us. Sound the alarm if you see any patrol boats out here tonight.

Tsunami
Aye Aye, Boss.

Sea Hag
Kraaken, Barracuda, grab your spear guns and come with me.

The frogmen oblige her. She takes her spear gun and aims it over the railing attached to a rope and begins to climb, followed by Kraaken and Barracuda.
Scene 4. Interior of the ballroom.


Scott Sebring
Good Bat Fans of Gotham City, tonight we are here to honor some creative people in our fair city. First I want to honor Model Builder, who has created life size replica models of The Joker, The Penguin, The Riddler, and the Catwoman. Let’s call him up to receive his award.

Modelbuilder arrives at the front to receive a certificate of appreciation from Scott Sebring.

Model Builder
Thank you Scott. I must say that I’m honored to receive this certificate of acknowledgement for my artistic construction. I actually have several versions of Pengy in my collection.

The Sea Hag and the frogmen hear this as they discreetly sneak in.

Model Builder
You’ll all be pleased to know that I’m currently working on my next model: a life – sized version of the Siren! This will be followed by a life-size replica of Aquaman.

R Dawson iii
I want to order an Aquaman replica.

Epaddon
Model Builder, I’d like to put in an order ahead of time for one of those finished models of the Siren!

The crowd laughs good-naturedly.

Model Builder
I’ll be happy to do that for you, Epaddon, but High-C has already put in an order, so he gets the first official Siren replica. But don’t worry, I’ll be happy to construct one for you as well.

Epaddon
High-C? How did you get in on this ahead of time?

High-C
My friends Wayne Grayson and Mr. Chronos belong to the same model builders club, and they dropped me a line so I could put in my first order.

Scott Sebring
I’m sure Model Builder will be happy to take orders from all of you.

Model Builder walks away.

Scott Sebring
And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for: our guest of honor! Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly invite up here, the one and only, Norman Saunders!

Norman Saunders walks up to the center and shakes hands with Scott all the while applause is occurring.

Scott Sebring
Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll look behind me, you’ll see a piece of artwork that Norman Saunders composed for the Topps Cards. Weird Korey, if you would please, remove the cover to reveal what’s hanging up behind there.

Weird Korey does so, and this reveals a large work of art: the TOPPS card drawing of the Sea Hag attacking Batman appears on the wall behind him. The audience cheers loudly with approval.

Norman Saunders
That’s amazing! How in the world did you get a large version of my rendition of the Sea Hag?

Scott Sebring
Norman, I knew you would appreciate that so allow me to introduce you to the man who made it all possible! Elmgraham, would you please come up here? Let’s hear it for Elmgraham!

Elmgraham proudly approaches them and shakes hands with Norman Saunders.

Elmgraham
Mr. Saunders, I was so impressed with your artwork, that I decided to enlarge it to full scale! There she is in all of her criminal infamy: The Sea Hag!

Scott Sebring
Norman, your artistry in depicting the vile villainess of the sea who haunted Batman in ways that none of his other foes could is the reason we want to honor you with the grand prize of $10,000 to continue to produce your work! It is my privilege to present you with this check as an appreciation for bringing the Sea Hag out in a beautiful artistic rendition!

As others applaud, the Sea Hag and her frogmen make themselves known.

Sea Hag
All right that’s enough! I’ve had it with all of you!

Elmgraham
It’s the Sea Hag! In person!

She and the frogmen menacingly approach Scott, Norman, and Elmgraham.



Sea Hag
First of all, I am NOT a HAG! I am a beautiful blonde! If this were a movie or television show about Gotham City, I would NOT be portrayed by an ugly actress! I would be portrayed by someone like Ann Francis or Pamela Anderson or Lotte Lass! I also would want to be portrayed by somebody who can act and do me justice, such as Paris Hilton; NOT somebody like Zale Perry! She just looks good!

Norman Saunders
Okay you are a beautiful woman, but I labeled you the Sea Hag because of your wicked personality.

Sea Hag
Do I look like somebody who fights with POPEYE!?

Elmgraham
You could call yourself the Evil Prowler.

Sea Hag
I don’t prowl like some cheap hoodlum! NO! You can all call me the Queen of the Gotham City Underworld!

All the guests laugh raucously at this.

Scott Sebring
YOU!? Batman and Robin would lay waste to you and your goons in a heartbeat! You have to earn that title, and the Dynamic Duo has already walloped you, and so has Batgirl! So why don’t you go jump in the lake? Lake Gotham, that is.

Sea Hag
That’s just what I’m going to do! But I’m taking Norman Saunders and your buddy Elmgraham with me! By the way, I’ll take that check too! Nobody try to stop us or we’ll use our spear guns and gut some fish on board the Celestialhost… By the way, nice name for an ocean liner. Let’s go, FROGMEN!

The Sea Hag and the Frogmen successfully abduct Elmgraham and Norman Saunders.

Batspin.
Scene 4. Interior. Commissioner Gordon’s Office. He and Chief O’Hara read the morning papers with these headlines: “SEA HAG ABDUCTS RESPECTED ARTIST AND PHOTO ENLARGER” “SEA HAG TAKES FROM SEBRING!” “PROPERTY VALUES ON LAKE GOTHAM PLUMMET DUE TO CRIME WAVE!”


O’Hara
Sure and it is a dark day for the people who live near Lake Gotham. To think that a modern day pirate queen would cause so much trouble.

Commissioner Gordon
Trouble indeed, Chief O’Hara. While this Sea Hag is not on par with the Penguin or the Catwoman, she obviously is working her way down!

O’Hara
Are ya’ thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’ Commissioner?

Both look at the BAT PHONE and approach it.
Scene 5.Interior of stately Wayne Manor in the study where Alfred is dusting. The BAT PHONE RINGS.

Alfred
I’ll call him, Sir.

Scene 6. Interior of the parlor where Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, and Aunt Harriet Cooper watch TV.

Aunt Harriet
You know what, boys? I never was interested in going fishing, but this Roy Batty fellow on the Weekend Fisherman Show makes it all look so interesting.

Roy Batty
(on the television)
Good people of Gotham City and the neighboring counties…you know that you want to go fishing; in fact you know that you want to go fishing every single weekend; I certainly do; but it takes the right preparation to catch the big fish. Roy says…Always use the proper bait to catch fish.

Bruce
I must say, Aunt Harriet, this Roy Batty certainly knows what he’s talking about.

Dick
I’ll say. If Roy says to do it, it must be done, just like Roy says.

Alfred enters while they are talking.

Alfred
Pardon the interruption, but I myself was fishing around in the study and found something that will more than likely hook your interest, sir. Perhaps you and Master Dick will join me.

Bruce
Of course. Aunt Harriet, if you’ll excuse us.

Aunt Harriet
No problem, boys. I have Roy Batty here to keep me company. I’ll just do whatever he says.

Scene 7. The Study.

Bruce
Yes Commissioner.

Commissioner Gordon
Grim news, Batman. It appears that the Sea Hag is back in business, and she’s not hunting down Popeye this time.

Bruce
I understand, Commissioner. We’ll be right over.

He hangs up the bat phone.

Bruce
To the bat poles, Dick.

Batspin to the opening credits.

Scene 8. Exterior of Police Headquarters. Stock footage of Batman and Robin parking the batmobile and running up the steps.
Scene 9. Interior of Commissioner Gordon’s Office.

Commissioner Gordon
I couldn’t believe it, Batman. She’d been in custody but apparently she was released for good behavior.

Batman
Criminals often have no choice but to behave themselves during incarceration, Commissioner. This often leads to an early but premature release.

Robin
Batman’s right. Not every criminal who gets released from jail is ready to re-enter society.

O’Hara
Sure and it’s true, Boy Wonder. But even so, Batman, she’s such a minor player. How could such a low rent villain become so motivated to kidnap two of Gotham City’s most upstanding citizens?

Batman
Scott Sebring is a very influential man in Gotham City. In order to draw attention to herself, the Sea Hag couldn’t have picked a finer citizen than Scott Sebring and his personal ocean liner filled with the pillars of Gotham society. According to the newspapers, she wants to be the Queen of the Gotham City Underworld, so I fear that this double kidnapping is only the beginning.

Commissioner Gordon’s phone RINGS.

Commissioner Gordon
Excuse me just a moment…Yes Bonnie…I see. Please, send him right in.

He hangs up.

O’Hara
Is that who I think it is, Commissioner?

Commissioner Gordon
Indeed it is, Chief O’Hara.

Dr. Shimel, a distinguished-looking man enters. He resembles actor George Sanders.

Dr. Shimel
Commissioner Gordon! Chief O’Hara! It’s so good to see you, but not under these circumstances. And you two gentlemen need no introduction! You’re obviously Batman and the Boy Wonder, Robin. It’s an honor to meet the both of you. I’m Dr. Shimel, I was the psychiatrist that analyzed the Sea Hag while she was in prison.

Robin
It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Shimel.

Batman
Yes it is. I’m sure you can give us some insight into what makes this young lady tick.

Dr. Shimel
Ordinarily I wouldn’t betray doctor/patient privilege., but seeing as how she signed a release while still in my care, and seeing as how I’m dealing with law enforcement, I have to say that she’s an odd one.
Batman
In what way, Dr. Shimel?

Dr. Shimel
She feels frustrated. Whereas other super criminals like the Penguin or Louie the Lilac or Cactus Kleinschmidt might be motivated by greed, the Sea Hag has this incredible inferiority complex. She feels that despite her physical beauty, she is thought of only as a hag.

Robin
Holy Vanity! If only she’d known that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Dr. Shimel
Trust me, Boy Wonder, getting inside her wasn’t easy. She resents being thought of as a minor player; she thinks the other super criminals laugh at her; worst of all, instead of learning her lesson that crime doesn’t pay, she’s now determined to gain the respect of the Gotham City arch criminals by making a name for herself. I’m afraid she won’t stop until she’s satisfied.

Batman
It’s obvious then, that to flush her out of hiding, it will be necessary for Robin and myself to make her feel that her criminal needs are being satisfied.

Robin
And then in a moment of weakness, when she’s not looking, we’ll nab her and bring her to justice!

Robin pounds his fist in his glove.

Dr. Shimel
Good idea, Boy Wonder, but I must warn both of you to be careful. She’s a slippery one!

Batspin.
Scene 10. Interior of the abandoned Gotham Marina which now serves as the hideout for the Sea Hag. She has an aquarium full of fish. Norman Saunders sits at a canvas while she poses for him. Elmgraham stands behind him directing the poses.

Elmgraham
Okay, maybe if you tried to look fierce and mean, you could do this.

Norman Saunders
I do my own inspirations, thank you very much. You don’t need to give her any ideas about treating us with cruelty.

Elmgraham
She wouldn’t mistreat us; we’re making her famous.

Sea Hag
Just make sure you do me justice in that portrait! I want to look sexy, beautiful, and…deadly!

Elmgraham
Besides, you’re gonna let us go once the portrait is done, right? I mean, once you’re Queen of the Gotham City underworld, you won’t need me and Norman any further.

Sea Hag
I’ll do with you both whatever I wish! Oh, let’s take a break for awhile. I’m getting tired of this stupid pose anyway,. Besides, I think it’s time to commit another crime. I know! I’m going to steal the S.S. Celestialhost from Scott Sebring and make it our new hideout.

Barracuda
That’s a great idea, Boss! I like that boat.

Tsunami
I can dance the night away on that beautiful dance floor!

Kraaken
I can partake of the all you can eat buffet.

Sea Hag
We’ll make the S.S. Celestialhost the official ocean liner of the Gotham City Underworld, where I can hold court as its queen!

Elmgraham
Don’t steal his ocean liner. Scott Sebring is a nice guy and a pillar of the community.

Sea Hag
When I want your advice, I’ll ask for it. It’s time to make plans to hijack that ocean liner! Tsunami, Barracuda, and Kraaken—let’s get crackin’!

Batspin
Scene 11 Interior of the Bat Cave. Batman and Robin spy the bat computer.

Batman
Since the Sea Hag has a nautical affiliation, it would seem only fitting that she would commit some type of crime that has an air of the sea about it, or in this case, Lake Gotham.

Robin
Do you think the Sea Hag would commit some type of piracy?

Batman
All crimes committed on the water reek of piracy, Old Chum. However the Sea Hag is not the classical pirate that we all know from literature, although neither was the Archer.

Robin
Gosh yes, Batman. We’ll have to keep an open mind to bring this one to justice.

Batman
True enough, Old Chum. Thankfully our super sophisticated bat computer can help us out. I’m searching for the best bait to use to catch a Sea Hag.

The Bat Computer bell RINGS. Batman pulls out the card to read it.

Batman
As I suspected! While working in the Gotham State Prison cafeteria, our Sea Hag nemesis was disciplined on more than one occasion for stealing her favorite cereal from the kitchen. Apparently she enjoys eating Crispy Critters right out of the box.

Robin
Holy Nutritious Breakfast! The Sea Hag has a sweet tooth!

Batman
I’m sure if we pay a visit to Mr. Chris B. Critter himself at his cereal factory, that he will be happy to provide us with the proper bait to snare this denizen of the deep.

Robin
Gosh yes, Batman. This is very helpful; where we would be without our Dell Bat computer.


Batman
Dell makes the definitive bat computer, Robin. We wouldn’t buy from anyone else. Now, to visit Chris B. Critter at his factory.

Batman and Robin enter the batmobile, buckle their safety belts, and zoom out of the bat cave and past the sign that reads “Gotham City 14 Miles”
Batspin
Scene 12. Exterior of the S.S. Celestialhost. Scott Sebring addresses two of his crew members.

V.O.
But as the Caped Crusaders make their way to the Chris B. Critter cereal factory, another crew is preparing the S.S. Celestialhost for another excursion.

Scott Sebring
Okay Quarhog and Gernot, I want this ocean liner swabbed from top to bottom. You’ve got a full crew here to help you, so let’s get it into ship shape, understand?

Quarhog
Aye Aye, Captain. Are there any specific precautions that you’d like us to take?

Scott Sebring
Such as?

Quarhog
Like security measures so nobody gets abducted off the boat again

Gernot
Quarhog is thinking ahead, you know. You probably want to get extra security to keep that Sea Hag woman from returning to the scene of the crime. All criminals do that, you know.

Scott Sebring
The Sea Hag---UGH! If I never hear of that vile fiend again, I’ll be just fine!

The Sea Hag and her villainous crew, along with Elmgraham and Norman Saunders show up and surprise them. Norman Saunders has a canvas and is apparently painting.

Sea Hag
I told you to stop calling me that!

Gernot
It’s the Sea Hag!

Quarhog
She doesn’t want to be called that.

Elmgraham
Maybe if you weren’t a vile villain, people wouldn’t call you that and you’d be known for your inner beauty.

Scott Sebring
You’re just a lowly sea hag and you’ll never ever be anything else. Crime Queen of the Gotham City Underworld!? HA! You don't even measure up Nora Clavicle or Dr. Cassandra!

The Sea Hag aims her spear gun at him.

Sea Hag
Why I ought to---

Norman Saunders
Hold that pose! BOTH of you! I feel inspired.

Sea Hag
Are you serious!?

Norman Saunders
Madame, I am an artist and what I do takes time and talent, and I’m feeling especially inspired right now. So if you don’t want to have to do this again, I suggest you do as I say! After all, I held my breath for over an hour when I was sketching that underwater scene of you aiming your spear gun at Batman…and missing…

Sea Hag
Yeah! You distracted me otherwise I would have speared Batman DEAD!

Elmgraham
I actually liked that depiction. Mr. Saunders actually brought out the true menace in you. It was very memorable.

Scott Sebring
Can I help you with something, Sea Hag? You can be so darn tedious at times!

Norman Saunders
Don’t move! I’m working here.

Sea Hag
All right we’re all gonna’ board the Celestialhost together. THEN we’ll hold the pose. And as for Quarhog and Gernot, you heard the Captain! Swab the deck!

Quarhog
Aye Aye Captain.

Scott Sebring
Why are you calling her captain?

Gernot
I’ll correct it. Aye aye, future queen of the Gotham City Underworld.

Quarhog
Aye Aye, Wannabe Queen of the Gotham City Underworld. Let’s go Gernot! Yo Ho HO!

All of them board the ocean liner.
Batspin
Scene 13. Interior of the Chris B. Critter Cereal Factory, specifically the office of Mr. Chris B. Critter himself, who bears a strong resemblance to Michael Rennie. At his desk is an open dish of his famous cereal.

Chris B. Critter
This is an unexpected pleasure, Caped Crusaders! What can I do for you?

Robin
Holy Evil Twin! He looks just like the Sandman!

Chris B. Critter
The Sandman? I’m sorry, Boy Wonder, I’m not sure what you mean.

Batman
A vile villain whose path we crossed quite some time ago. Yes your physical resemblance to him is rather uncanny, similar to how Dr. Shimel resembled Mr. Freeze in his younger days. On to the reason for our visit: it seems that a certain villainess that we call the Sea Hag has an affinity for your breakfast cereal.

Chris B. Critter
Well I’m not surprised. It is part of a nutritious breakfast you know, with eight vitamins and minerals. I admit that arch criminals are not our target demographic, but even vile fiends have a difficult time resisting our healthy breakfast cereals. Care to try a sample?

Robin digs in.

Robin
Holy Saturday Morning Goodness! It’s delicious!

Batman
Then it’s just the thing we need to bait the trap for the Sea Hag.

Chris B. Critter
I tell you what. I’ll grab you some snack pack sizes to take with you, on the house. Anything I can do to help keep Gotham City crime-free is an honor. You know Batman, Robin, if you’re interested perhaps you could appear in a commercial promoting our cereals, once the Sea Hag is apprehended of course.

Batman
Helping the children of Gotham City to continue eating a healthy breakfast each day will always be one of the civic duties of a crime fighter. Thank you for your help, sir.

Chris B. Critter
Anytime, Batman. Robin, Ta Ta.

Batspin.
Scene 14. Exterior. The batmobile as it drives to the harbor of Lake Gotham.

Robin
Golly Gee Whiz. Mr. Chris B. Critter sure is a good citizen, even if he does resemble the Sandman.

Batman
We cannot judge books by their covers, Robin. Before I knew what the Sandman looked like, I too pictured him looking much differently---like actor Robert Morley.

Robin
Gosh yes Batman. It’s fun to fantasize which actors and actresses would play the vile criminals of Gotham City…I mean…if this were like a TV show and all.

Batman
Fantasies are enjoyable, Old Chum, but it’s time to get back to reality now---we’re searching for the Sea Hag.

Scene 15. Exterior. The Pier. The batmobile pulls into the entrance to the parking lot and goes to pay the parking attendant.

Parking Attendant Jim K
GLEEPS! IT’S BATMAN! I’m a Batman Fan! You can call me Bat Fan Jim K! No charge for the Dynamic Duo!

Batman
We appreciate your generosity, but we should pay just like everyone else.

Parking Attendant Jim K
Not necessary, Batman, especially if you’re here on official duty. Is the Joker or the Riddler loose on Lake Gotham?

Batman
No one of that magnitude, but yes we are here in an official capacity.

Parking Attendant Jim K
GLEEPS! It’s Batman and Robin here to fight crime! No-Sireee Dynamic Duo! There’s no way I’m going to charge you for your stay. Here--You get a free pass. Now go on in and do your thing! It’s a pleasure to help you both apprehend a vile villain. Ta Ta!

Batman
Thank you, Bat Fan Jim K. We’ll be sure to display this parking pass on the batmobile’s dashboard.

They pull forward and find a spot. As they exit the batmobile, they notice the S.S. Celestialhost deck where the Sea Hag holds the pose of aiming the spear gun at Scott Sebring while Norman Saunders paints.

Robin
Holy Spear Fishing! LOOK!

Batman
It would appear that we have our quarry right where we want her, Robin. Grab the bag with the snack size boxes of Crispy Critters cereal and let’s get over to the entrance to board the Celestialhost.

Robin does this as they make their way to the ocean liner which has already pulled away from the dock.

Robin
Holy Journey into oblivion! It looks like this time we really missed the boat!

Batman
A minor setback, Robin. Toss that sack full of cereal up onto the deck before the ship sails. We can use it to trap the Sea Hag once we get on board.

Robin successfullytosses it up on the deck.

Batman
Good job, Old Chum.

Robin
Thanks Batman, but now what?

Batman
To the bat boat, Robin! There’s not a moment to lose!

Batspin. Scene 16,. The bat boat racing over Lake Gotham to the S.S. Celestialhost.

Robin
It’s a good thing that ocean liners can’t move as fast as our bat boat.

Batman
Both have their place on the water, Old Chum, but yes in this instance, speed is definitely on our side.

The bat boat sides up to the Celestialhost. Batman grabs the batarang and both stand up.

Batman
I’m going to put the bat boat on automatic pilot so it will float away from here and then return after making a 40 knot revolution in the water. It will keep doing this until we’re ready to take our prisoner cargo to shore.

They begin ascending the side of the boat with Robin in the lead. Out of a porthole, a head pops out. It’s Bat Tiger.

Bat Tiger
Oh hello Caped Crusaders. I’m Bat Tiger, and I’m one of your fans. Did you two come to rescue us?

Batman
Fear not, Bat Tiger. We’re on our way to conduct a clandestine rescue mission as we speak.

Robin
You’re in safe hands, Bat Tiger. We’re gonna’ disarm that villainess once and for all.

Bat Tiger
I am really pleased to hear that. I mean, she’s good-looking and everything, but come on! If I’m going to kidnapped by a super villainess, at least let it be somebody like Catwoman or the Siren or even Legs Parker! Yeah…Legs Parker…but this Sea Hag character, she thinks she’s gonna’ be queen of the Gotham City underworld. Can you imagine that?

Robin
The nerve of that Sea Hag! Don’t worry, we’ll take of this mess for you.

Batman
I assure you, Bat Tiger, the Sea Hag’s reign as queen of the Gotham City underworld is going to be a very brief one.

Bat Tiger
I know you both are on it. Let’s have a drink together when it’s all over.

Bat Tiger goes back inside and closes the porthole while the Dynamic Duo continue to climb. Meanwhile up on deck. Norman Saunders is still painting.

Scott Sebring
I’m really getting tired of having to hold this pose. Can I rest for a little bit?

Sea Hag
Yeah, come on, Saunders! I’m getting tired here.

Elmgraham
Maybe we could try some other poses after you get your rest. I’m actually getting hungry.

Kraaken
Yeah Boss, I’m getting kinda’ hungry myself. Isn’t there a buffet around here?

Sea Hag
Kraaken, why are you whining? You’re a big strong man!

Kraaken
Yeah, but I still need to eat.

Barracuda
He’s right, boss. We’re on an ocean liner, there must be some chow here somewhere.

Norman Saunders
Does anybody here care what I think? I am trying to compose a work of art here. I’ve even got your frog man Kraaken in the picture and I think I’m truly capturing his essence.

Sea Hag
We’ll get the inspiration later. Okay, I suppose now that we have control of the ship and we’ve shoved off, we don’t have to worry about anybody bothering us.

Norman Saunders
But your man the Kraaken looks so nobly villainous there; I really need him to stay and hold that pose.

Batman and Robin jump out and surprise them.

Batman
The only posing any of you are going to do is for your mugshots!

Robin
That’s right, Sea Hag! You and your cronies are going down with your ship!

Sea Hag
Robin Boy Blunderer! YOU’RE the one who’s finished!

Norman Saunders
I really don’t like being interrupted while I’m painting my subjects.

Sea Hag
Saunders! Release the Kraaken!

A bat fight ensues. Scott Sebring, Elmgraham, and Tsunami step aside but remain on deck watching the bat fight. Norman Saunders disgustedly takes his easel and canvas and paints and walks away hoping not to have any damage done to his artwork. Batman and Robin dispatch the frogmen, but Tsunami grabs their spear guns and approaches the Sea Hag.

Tsunami
I think they need some help, boss.

Sea Hag
You did good, Tsunami.

Both aim the spear guns at Scott Sebring and Norman Saunders.

Sea Hag
All right Dynamic Duo, give it up now or else!

They see that Scott and Norman are held at spear gun point. Kraaken and Barracuda get up and dust themselves off.

Elmgraham
What are you gonna’ do to them?

Sea Hag
I’m going to put them into an inescapable death trap! THEN I will become the Queen of the Gotham City Underworld!

She cackles maniacally.
Batspin. The same, but Batman and Robin are now preparing to walk the plank just as the bat boat passes them by too late for them to jump into it. The Sea Hag notices this along with two sharks swimming just below them.

Sea Hag
Well well well, I see your bat boat won’t be able to rescue the two of you when you walk the plank, but don’t worry. I see a couple of hungry sharks right below you just waiting to give you a ride…while their chewing on you!

Robin
Holy Jaws63! The bat boat has our shark repelleant in it, and it won’t make it back around for at least another ten minutes! Batman! What’re we gonna’ do?

Batman
I don’t know, Robin. As the Celestialhost is being buffeted by the waves, no matter where we look, there are fins to the left..and fins to the right...

Sea Hag
Tsunami! Have Sol and Wibble bring us up some boat drinks and some snacks! And make sure my drink has a twist of lime; I’m going to enjoy this!

V.O.
Enjoying the demise of the Caped Crusaders with a twist of lime!?
Is the Sea Hag ready to become Queen of the Gotham City Underworld?
Is Robin about to become Chicken of the Sea?
Will the Sea Hag cause Batman to Jump The Shark?
For the answers to these and other questions tune in next time…Same Bat Time…Same Bat Channel!

End of Part One
To Be Continued in Part Two: “The Sea Hag Now STOPS! (permanently)

[elmrgraham]

All I can say is Holy Excellent!! I am looking forward to Part 2.

[Gorshin Romero]

Thanks Elmgraham! It was written with you in mind the entire time! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
Part Two will be posted sometime next week.

[elmrgraham]

Very Good.

[weirdkorey]

I love the several Popeye references since that is the original & most well known sea hag.

[Cuesak]

That was great awaiting part 2, same bat forum, same bat thread!

[Gorshin Romero]

I love the several Popeye references since that is the original & most well known sea hag.

Glad you enjoyed it Weirdkorey. By the way, good job removing the cover from elmgraham's enlargement of the Sea Hag TOPPS card!

[Bat-Tiger]

Great job, I loved it. It was an honor to be in the window cameo.

Can't wait for part 2.

[weirdkorey]

Glad you enjoyed it Weirdkorey. By the way, good job removing the cover from elmgraham's enlargement of the Sea Hag TOPPS card!

Haha thanks for including me, hopefully I have another appearance in the second part??
Heres to hoping, fingers crossed. lol

[Hecate1966]

I enjoyed that One tiny, teeny edit relating to something I posted, the RL glamorous sixties scuba diver was Lotte Hass , not Lotte Lass. But perhaps that was deliberate all the time Looking forward to the finale.

[Mr. Deathtrap]

Citizens,

I haven't taken time to comment on the story until now because Sea Hag's boat drinks won't make themselves. BTW: we have rum in case the volcano blow. Now, I have to get back to shark fishing for the dinner buffet.

Mfr. Deathtrap

[Gorshin Romero]

But Mr. Deathtrap: I don't know where I'm-a gonna go when the Vol-Ca-No Blow!

Perhaps the Caped Crusaders can use their Bat anti-lava formula to save us!

Thanks for the awesome buffet, Mr. Deathtrap. Now please bring a rum runner with Captain Morgan to me down below as soon as you're done catching the main course for the buffet tonight.

Yo ho HO!

[Gorshin Romero]

Cuesak: I see you're new here. Welcome aboard! Thanks for the compliment---if you enjoy fan fiction, there are a number fan fiction pieces on this board by several us, so you can check them out at your leisure if you're interested.

Bat-Tiger: I'm glad you enjoyed the window cameo. I cannot help but laugh by imagining you looking like your picture here on the board and sticking your head out of the porthole to greet the Caped Crusaders!

Hecate: Thanks for the correction---you can check out the "explanation" for it in Part Two.

I welcome everybody's comments----Enjoy!

[Bat-Tiger]

Bat-Tiger: I'm glad you enjoyed the window cameo. I cannot help but laugh by imagining you looking like your picture here on the board and sticking your head out of the porthole to greet the Caped Crusaders!

I welcome everybody's comments----Enjoy!

Well the secret is out. I used to be one of Catwoman's tigers. I was never evil, just hungry. Those lousy henchmen always forgot to feed us. The whole time I was leaping at Batman, I was after the Bat cookies in his utility belt.

[Roy Batty]

The caped crusader's should be aware that lake fishing can be treacherous, if you're not familiar with the lakes bed. This is where an experienced guide can be of great help. Roy says see you next week out on the lake! Gorshin Romero is TOPPS again!